Fairy Tales

I slid my foot into a tub of

ecstasy

so hot

my skin steamed

from the cold day long

I hated it.

as my breast hit the water I cringed…

this time with excitement.

I was finally in my own world.

the air was quiet

the candles flicked shadows onto my wall

I smiled

my favorite lighting

so soft and dark

perhaps someone was lurking

hoping

even in thought

perhaps someone “thought about me today”

whispered from my mouth.

I laughed.

My apathy took over.

I forgot what it was like to be free.

running away from my every days

of normalcy

of my drinking haze

and insecurities.

I closed my eyes and thought of no one else.

but

myself…

My legs looked soft in the water

and every inch of my skin was covered in warmth.

I tried to deny

any sexual tension.

but I couldnt resist.

laying my head back

I started searching my body

like a dirty worm

slithering across an empty carcass.

soulless

and rotting.

My senses forgot what it was liked to be touched

delicately and liked.

my left leg draped over the tub

as my other arched its way up to the shower head.

water beneath me swayed with my hips

as I quietly

and secretly

found my sexuality again.

It was new

dangerous

and heated.

Suddenly, I was in a sea

rocking

along

the sand

my toes curled

my head pushed back

fighting the beautiful current

I closed my legs tightly around my arm

trapping myself

please dont cease

I was

stopping

almost to the stars…

I shook

and stared.

My insides all in a bind

my hands free from fun

I lay

motionless

breathing stale air.

I watched nothing.

I thought nothing.

I felt something…

perhaps it was hours so it felt

sitting up

I continued my bath.

I touched every part of my body

as if it were someone else.

I forgot what it was to love.

Then it happened!

I thought of him.

The year had disappeared as if

it never existed.

and there he was

standing over me

raping my thoughts all over again.

“Where did you go?”

“How did you know where to find me?”

“Im happy, Im happy…”

and boom!

everything happening so quicly

like old classic films

the walls melted away

and like my first philosophical understanding

I understood

I forgot what it felt to feel real.

That all of these daydreams

were meant to make me see

That my beauty diminished with the goodbyes

and his lies

he denied me

and broke me

that I can not find myself loving enough

I know

deep down

I was not good enough.

Why??

I raised my head.

dizzily it spun

Why am I waiting

waiting for something

someone

who doesnt know me

for who I really am…

fuck it

Like everyone woman should

I grabbed our storybook

threw into the water

and watched it drown

as the ink bled its way down the drain

My chest caved

watching with less and less dismay

the past went away

to hell

not one tear was shed.

to love somebody

is to give in

and before anyone could love me

for the beauty that I may be

I must shut the door

and find myself

in ways

that no one else can.

I have had my sleazy nights

somewhere along the way

sex was content

…my body sweetly touched

is real.

and perhaps that what I want.

to touch

and kiss

I thrive

I thrive…

on truth

I found myself standing naked

whimsical

and smirking

slowly clothed myself.

I walked outside and the cool air kissed my every move.

the moon watched me.

The glow extraterrestrial

enthralling.

I stood on my balcony

half clothed

no where near cold.

I took a drag and

exhaled

3 notes | Reblog | 3 months ago

bohemea:

The Dude

I stole this because I had to.

19,593 notes | Reblog | 3 months ago

(Source: weheartit.com)

58 notes | Reblog | 4 months ago

I feel so different these days. It is not a strange feeling. I feel more whole actually. My perspective has changed simply based off of some events that recently fell upon my life. All very very different and yet connected at the core of everything. If you have never felt anything like that: I pray that at least you will have the opportunity once. I still have not felt inspired my creative side is just subdued at the moment. I’m not to worried about it, I am more focused on right now rather than tomorrow. When I hear songs like “unravel” it does make something inside of me flourish. So that’s good. I always thought listening to bjork was like observing a hypnotic painting, where my eyes follow the lines and the colors and the contrast and I cant stop trying to figure it out and yet it captivates a certain beauty that rings something true to my heart. Something I “get” without actually knowing that I do. Anywho…

I saw your dream the other day.

I was standing at a distance

trapped in the cage of our yesterday.

I cried only once

As I learn everyday

strength can be redeemable.

I close my eyes to it everyday.

As it sits in my chest,

my soul,

my head…

“I am not a part of your dream anymore…”

I woke up blurred and sick.

My brain bleeding.

I threw it all up.

Watched the night before and it’s mistakes

drown.

I couldn’t blame you

for you are only human.

But I can hate you

because I am a woman.

My body I told you is mine

“You are nice, but stay away”

I couldnt tell you what its like to be used

I dont remember.

Its all fuzzy.

My eyes fell back…

you saw attack.

I could regret it

instead I will keep my distance.

From it all.

I am not afraid

to put anyone to shame.

It is the fate of your decision…

besides, I as well

am only human.

Its been a while

since I saw your hands

You wouldnt know it,

I never told you.

They are not the hands that I fell in love with years ago…

They are new

and strong

and soft.

You wouldnt know it

I keep things from you.

You are far now.

I saw you.

You are beautiful

perhaps lost

but simple

and warm.

I never imagined

with my imagination

full of robots, guitars

the moon

and cartoons

that it would be you

who I would choose.

You cast yourself off

as somebody skewed

off balance.

I know though,

you are normal.

and broken like me.

We held each other beneath

2am stars.

You told me I still had a wall up

I smiled a little

it’s true.

i have been blue for sometime.

Somehow beneath our past loves

for others far now.

Beneath drunken nights

and foggy perspective

Beneath alter egos

and nicknames

we can stand there

connected somehow

beneath it all

always

connected beyond

the shit we call our life.

we go our separate ways because

we have to

but maybe someday

we could explore

the world

and mountains

or skies

something far away from

the crutches we lean on today

and have no excuses for

why

and no qualms over

where

if we could just let go

and go

I would take your hand

and run.

Sometimes the ocean is pretty.

Sometimes its just not.

“You feel what you feel it doesn’t have to make sense…”

Smoke break.

Love what you have. Even if it is just perspective or even just air.

2 notes | Reblog | 4 months ago

“Despite of my rage I am still just a rat in a cage…” Well it’s been a while since I tumbled. I missed it I must say. Not a whole lot has changed. I cannot wait for the new year; this one blew hard.

I am still in love with what I cant have.

My head is held high.

far past the skies’ clouds

the moon

and that stars.

To dream is to deceive

the moment of now…

usually now is empty…

tomorrow, I hope is better.

Anywho… have a nice night world.

19 notes | Reblog | 5 months ago